How to Make It Through a LDR

[KR_Paradox]

First off if you do not know LDR (long distance relationship). Right now I am in Eden Prairie MN finishing a 7 month internship and my gf is down in Ames IA. The distance is 208.2 miles from my house to her place about a 2 hour 45min drive. In the beginning things were ok for the first few months. I would visit every 2 to 3 weeks and stay from Fri to Sun. During the summer it was easier because all either of us had was work. Now that the school year kicked off it got harder. She was busy with school and I was getting more hours and I had to get everything in line for going back to school. We were seeing each other less often and things started getting stressful. Her life had gotten more hecktic because she bit off more than she can chew as far as class and work go. We have made it from May 17th to now long distance and just need to make it to Jan when I will return to school around the 2nd week of Jan.

Does anyone have advice on what things have helped make the long distance easier?

[Devils Reject]

Cheat.

[KR_Paradox]

Ya, not going to happen. First off I have been cheated on and that shit sucks. Second off to me cheating is just being too much of a pussy to not just break up with the person. We had talked about breaking up in May before this long distance thing started but we decided to give it a shot. I text her each morning when I get to work and we talk on the phone at least once a week. Every time before when things got tough we would just wait till we were in person and everything would be worth it but the last time I saw her was Halloween and the nest time we will be together is on Dec 17 when she comes up for Christmas.

[Jason]

Would it hurt to try calling every night? Like, before bed perhaps? I realize you are both busy, but i'm sure you could find some time for a goodnight at least. Also, do you text throughout the day or just in the morning?

You could try something like getting her to download Skype, and you could do video chats every once in a while, aswell.

[Ammoseller]

I agree not breaking up with someone before you get into a sexual relationship with another just shows the high level of immaturity and lack of balls thereof. We (the locals) had an experience with that when it came to Bloodbath McGrath in late 2008. Poor bastard is by far not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he didn't deserve what he got; even though the relationship wasn't a real relationship (though he thought it was). His then girlfriend was a piece of work:
*A midget (~5' tall)
*Pale, out of shape, at best she could be considered minutely cute.
*No job, no car, no license.
*Intolerant of any music besides rock, and only certain forms of such (favorite bands included Smashing Plumpkins and Cohyde and Spambria). When Coheed decided to tour with Slipknot, I was put to sleep by them, except when they played "Welcome Home." She and her now boyfriend and affairee only stuck around to see them, leaving before Slipknot performed. :fp:

Basically Bloodbath thought it was real love, her parents loved him, and she "loved" him. What it was was really him driving her around everywhere, isolating himself from his friends (for awhile, then she got jealous when he started to hang out with us more, thus probably contributing to her affair), and paying for everything of hers. He even bought her family a Wii with Wii Fit for Christmas. In return, all he received was homemade artworks, a dry erase board with a love doodle on it, and a copy of A Night At The Roxbury. That, and tons of sex (her only form of payment). Then she doesn't completely cheat on BB with her new lover severely; it was only a kiss (but that is technically cheating). BB viewed this as he basically split his girlfriend in half, and then some.

Devastated, BB coped like a woman would; isolating, becoming detached, etc. Nine whole fucking months it took him to get over a relationship that wasn't really a real relationship to begin with. He told us he was over it but whenever a song about cheating or that they both liked came on, or her name was mentioned, he'd flip shit and deny that he misses her. That nine months was ended by an intervention of a friend who hooked him up with his current girlfriend, who's a lot cooler (and more fun to troll).

tl;dr: Bloodbath McGrath, our short-lived hero of ZS, was cheated on by a 19 year old bitch with the maturity of a 12 year old. Instead of breaking up, she "cheated" on him with a kiss. Bloodbath ultra-raged regardless and fell into a depression for nine months until he found his next and current Jane Goodwoman of a girlfriend. We (the local gang) were on the verge of disbanding him from the brotherhood for carrying on so long like a woman (would not let go of things). Granted it lasted three years, the relationship was more of a FWB ordeal, though Bloodbath didn't see it that way.


KR, hopefully this girl doesn't do you wrong. LDRs are an exact science, one which varies in practice dramatically from person to person. However, the fact that you two are still talking on a daily basis and even better talking on the phone (texting imo is one of the worst things to do when in a relationship, except when the phone is inconvenient; things get misinterpreted and the emotion isn't there) sounds like all is good. Hopefully, it turns out being so. Keep up with that, but if she and you have the time, I'd call her every night if I were you. Once a week just won't cut it. Maybe it's because they get to hear your voice, maybe it's something else, but from personal and third-person experience it works quite well.

[KR_Paradox]

Would it hurt to try calling every night? Like, before bed perhaps? I realize you are both busy, but i'm sure you could find some time for a goodnight at least. Also, do you text throughout the day or just in the morning?

You could try something like getting her to download Skype, and you could do video chats every once in a while, aswell.

Oh I may have forgotten to mention my house is a dead zone. When I call it is intermittent at best and if I use a home phone we have to watch out not to run her min out. She got a 20$ overcharge one month. So I try the best I can but thanks for the idea.

[Jason]

Oh I may have forgotten to mention my house is a dead zone. When I call it is intermittent at best and if I use a home phone we have to watch out not to run her min out. She got a 20$ overcharge one month. So I try the best I can but thanks for the idea.

She doesnt have plan that lets her talk for free after 9 or some shit?

[TACO_HATER]

Maybe just take a break from each other for a bit. Not saying breakup but get out there and just have fun(not saying get with people you still have a girlfriend.. but don't focus on the missing you will see her soon enough) and figure something out. As long as you stick away from sore subjects that'll start fights you should be good. Also maybe try sexting and all if you haven't it makes some fun and still reminds her that she is both emotionally and physically devoted to you..Spice up the LDR a bit. It won't be a permanent fix but will get you through a couple months..

[Ammoseller]

You could also implement Skype into your conversation, to supplement your phone's dead zone. Not only that, you get to see her face as well, obviously. In addition, you have the opportunity to do live sexting over webcam, but whatever you do as I've been told from others, do not actually have cyber sex over Skype. I lol'd at the fact that some of my friends have told me this, because of course it's weird to begin with in my opinion; they tell me it's horrendously awkward. That, and you can't stick your dick in the camera and hope she'll feel anything.

[KR_Paradox]

You could also implement Skype into your conversation, to supplement your phone's dead zone. Not only that, you get to see her face as well, obviously. In addition, you have the opportunity to do live sexting over webcam, but whatever you do as I've been told from others, do not actually have cyber sex over Skype. I lol'd at the fact that some of my friends have told me this, because of course it's weird to begin with in my opinion; they tell me it's horrendously awkward. That, and you can't stick your dick in the camera and hope she'll feel anything.

We do Skype, text during the day, talk on the phone. It still has not made it any easier for her. I text her every morning and through out the day we talk / skype about once every 3 days. And I think cyber sex would be weird. I rather screw my gf than fap to her.

[Bcjh]

I agree with Jason, TACO, and Ammo combined.

Skype Secks will spice it up a bit.

[Haze]

I did long distance for a year. I was perfectly fine with it, but she wasn't. All depends on the kinda girl you have. Try to avoid the "routine" as much as possible; although right now Im sure you probably have it down to a science. Being in love and having sex is nice and all but over the long distance relationship I spent well over $1500 on visits (gas, hotel, food-- in the long distance part alone). What I regret most is seeing all the time I wasted talking on the phone. I look at my life now after being single for about 1.5 years and it was hard as fuck to get over her but I love being able to do whatever whenever and not having to report to shit!

But.. if you feel this girl is worth the trouble and distance (how I felt), then stick with it. Best advice I can give is to avoid the routine of establishing times to talk, unless it's where you put an extended period of time apart just for talking. 5 minute conversations you plan out pretty much pan out to be "hi im doing this" "im doing this" "did you do this" "no not yet" "ok gotta go bye"- basically you two keeping tabs on each other.

Try to keep talking to one another limited to when you actually want to talk with each other- not when you're just checking up on them (which is hard to do and fit into both schedules) -- on the flip side, unplanned interruptions are a ++ (i think...) unless she states she is busy till when and seems stressed over it.

Texts... heh.. may not be the best advice, but I like to keep them sexual. Ahhh yeah

[KR_Paradox]

Ya, I think we have made it through the worst of it. Most of the break down happens because I am about 1 week from a project release and she has finals. So now she is busy when I am free and I am busy when she is free. So when she is stressed I cannot be there and that was causing problems. Ya, I compartmentalize a lot so this is not a huge strain on me. She is the one feeling it the most. I just know that I soon enough I will be back in IA for 1.5 years and that this will all seem shorter once it is over. But the semester ends for her on the 17th and I finish work the 22nd and will move back down between the 2nd and 5th of Jan. So I think we have made it through.